Who’s been here a time or two? You get invited to go out with some friends and honestly… you don’t want to go. Not because you have other plans or work early, but because you’d rather stay home and read a book, hang out with your family, go to bed early, workout, or even meditate. And the ‘no’ isn’t just this once, you’ve pretty much become known for saying no at this point in your life. You’re friends make you feel like a homebody, always guilt tripping you for never going out with them, but going out and drinking really just isn’t your thing anymore. Well I am here, to let you know, that it is okay to say no!
Chance the rapper said it best,
“Cancelling plans to read is okay. Skipping a party for the gym is okay. Staying home to cook is okay. Let’s encourage and respect self improvement”
That resonates with me so hard. As humans, we want everyone to like us. We crave attention from other people, it’s not our fault, it’s just in our blood. I know for me, when I set goals to get in bed early, to read books, to eat healthy ~ it’s normally the want to go out with my friends that kills it. I experience this sense of FOMO (fear of missing out) and I go out anyways even though I told myself I wouldn’t.
In turn, I sacrificed my health and my dreams because I couldn’t say no.
But what we need to realize is, saying no is OKAY!! Sometimes you need to take a step back to get your goals in line. You need to change your habits and your environment if you want to create real change in your life. And the people who will get mad at you for this ~ aren’t people you want in your life anyways. If they can’t support your goals, then they simply don’t support you. It’s the people who stand by your side, maybe even go to the gym with you, stay home and cook, or read with you ~ those people are the ones who truly want betterment for you.
If you’re feeling the need to focus on your well being over focusing on the party ~ that’s okay. Listen to your body, your wants, your desires, your heart… They will direct you exactly where you need to go. Protect your energy and your time ~ become selfish and know that being selfish is necessary sometimes! Now, I’m not suggesting you stop going out all together, what I am saying though is there’s a time and a place and you must recognize when you’re saying yes because you truly want too, or are you saying yes because you feel like you have too. If you want to stay home and paint tonight, DO IT! And don’t feel bad about it. Know that working on yourself is far more important than going out for a drink. You’ll only end up feeling bad about yourself anyways for never painting when you specifically set out that time for it and didn’t do it. And if going out for a drink feels important at that moment – go our for that drink and don’t feel bad about it!
Balance needs to be created if you have the desire to succeed.
Stop feeling obligated to do things you just don’t want to do. Whether it be not enough time, you’d rather do something else, or you’re just too tired… If you keep saying yes you’ll end up wearing yourself down and never have enough time to spend on YOU. Have you ever said yes to something and while you’re out doing it you’re thinking about all the other things you could be doing that are far more important and you end up just getting more stressed and anxious? Maybe you even just sat there tired not really engaging in the conversation anyway? I know I’m guilty. And all it did was create the unnecessary anxiety when you could’ve just opted out and got done things you needed to do. It’s not mean, or disrespectful, to put yourself first. You SHOULD put yourself first. You are the most important person in your life. Even more important than you kids. And I don’t mean that in a negative way, but if you’re constantly tired and selling yourself short ~ you’re not going to be the best parent. Teach your kids that it’s okay to take time for themselves. It’s okay to stay home and just…. BE. Taking care of yourself indirectly means you’re taking care of others.
Say no now, so you can feel good about saying yes later.
Look, there will always be people tugging at your life strings to get you to go out with them ~ so be sure to put yourself first and really think about what you really want. You can’t make everyone else happy without making yourself miserable at the same time. So stop being afraid to irritate others, you can’t control how someone else feels about you. But what you can control is how you feel about you! And if you’re not happy with you, then does anything else really matter at that point? Time is extremely precious and it really does matter how you spend the 24 hours you’re given in a day. If you’re looking at your list of to-dos and you’ve gotten only 20% done but you’re supposed to meet someone for drinks, RESCHEDULE THAT DRINK! Otherwise you’re going to be left trying to figure out how to fit in that last 80% into the rest of your days that are already filled to capacity ~ which will end up leaving you feeling overwhelmed and behind.
Remember, the power of saying NO builds the power of your HELL YES!
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